I’m stuck in this
side hustle
make content
meal prep
romanticize your life
hamster wheel,
and I wonder
why I keep getting
tension headaches.

I try to drown it out
with NPR and
podcasts and
nonfiction audiobooks,
but sometimes
the truth
is too heavy.

What is it like?
To not be
in fight or flight?
To be able to rest
in the quiet of your mind?
To feel safe,
safe enough to digest.
I wonder,
have I ever
really slept?

I was so close
to finding myself,
to meeting the version
of me
who would exist
in an alternate universe 
where capitalism did not,
where humanity
was truly free.
The glimpse alone
is enough to make me know,
I can’t let that version of me
go.

I’m trying to interpret
the angel numbers,
trying to read
the universe’s signs,
but I’ve forgotten how
to look for them
without too much
screen time.

So what do I do?
Do I say
fuck it all,
leave the city,
quit my job?
Live like a monk
so I can be
what I want?

Or do I girl boss,
get a raise,
buy some stock,
start a business,
and hope that
by the end of it all
I still have it in me
to be
what I want?

//

I hope one day
these years
are remembered
as a dark time
where we lost ourselves.
I hope one day
we relearn to live
in the light,
to cherish the earth.
I hope one day
our children
might be free –
free enough
to be.